


The Heart Remembers

by thecarlonethatalsowrites



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Memory Loss, some descriptions of injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5899162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecarlonethatalsowrites/pseuds/thecarlonethatalsowrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an accident causes Clarke to forget the past four years of her life, she will have to rebuild everything she lost or start over, leaving her lost memories behind and forgotten</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologe

**Author's Note:**

> Look at this! Two fics in one week? This is insane!! The last one was fluff to tide you over for the inevitable angst of season 3. This one is a much longer angst piece WITH FLUFF TOO!!! Ok it's mostly angst, but you know whatever. Enjoy!

“Clocking out already Clarke?” Wells gave her a smile over the reception desk, which Clarke happily returned.

“My shift ended ten minutes ago Wells. Plus Lexa is cooking tonight and there’s no way I’m missing that.” Her stomach growled at the thought. Wells shook his head and laughed.

“Alright, see you tomorrow.” With a final wave Clarke turned and exited the hospital. As soon as she breathed in air that didn’t smell like antiseptic, Clarke felt herself relax. She checked her phone as she headed to her car, looking for messages from Lexa with a grin on her face. There was a text from half an hour ago asking clarke to pick up milk and paper towel. She typed out a response as she unlocked her car.

**Clarke 5:47 PM** Will do. I’ll be a little late

Clarke grinned, adding a whole row of kissing emojis and hitting send. With Lexa updated, clarke turned off her phone and dropped it into the cup holder so she could focus on driving. She tossed her work bag in the backseat and as soon as she turned the key she went for the radio.

Clarke had an uneventful drive to the supermarket; traffic was moderate but not backed up, the radio station didn’t play any of her particular favorites. However, the inside of the store was a zoo. Who knew the supermarket would be so busy at quarter to six. Lexa, probably. That’s why she sent Clarke. She basically had to fight off a soccer mom with three kids for the last roll of paper towel. She walked away scowling and when Clarke was sure she was out of sight she stuck out her tongue in a display of triumph. She laughed a bit, resolving to tell Lexa of her battle.

“Still got it.” She chuckled to herself while she waited in line. Lexa would be proud. Although, a single glare from Lexa would have scared off all the soccer moms in a ten mile radius. 

Clarke was still daydreaming about how Lexa would react to her story when she walked out of the store and reached her car. She rehearsed her story as she pulled out of the parking lot, trying to decide if she should add that the kids were crying to bolster her own heroics. She drove slowly towards the red light, procrastination so that she wouldn’t have to stop. The light turned green as soon as she reached the intersection.

“Ha! Take that traffic!” Clarke laughed and drove forward without looking both ways. Without noticing the cargo van that ran the redlight. The only warning she got was a sharp honk, and then the truck slammed into her car and everything went dark.

***

Three hours ago, Lexa had been at home. She had been grinning at a text from Clarke, a text with an almost ludicrous amount of kissing emojis. It was Clarke, though, and with Clarke came no limit to emojis, as Lexa was constantly reminded when she froze her phone. Three hours ago everything had been normal.

A lot can change in three hours, especially when you get a call from the hospital.

“Do you think if I go up and ask them they’ll let me see her?” Lexa fretted as she paced frantically in the waiting room. “They have to let me see her, I’m her fiancée. I’m going up.”

“Woah, slow down kid.” Anya grabbed Lexa’s wrist, steering her away from the reception desk. “She’s still in surgery. They’re not going to let you in. Be patient. Clarke is strong, she’ll pull through.” Lexa deflated as Anya patted her arm awkwardly. She was never good at showing affection, and this was the equivalent of a full blown hug and sobs from a normal person.

“You sound so sure.” Lexa mumbled.

“I am and she will. Do you really think a truck would be enough to stop Clarke? She probably crawled out of her windshield and started swearing at the idiot who hit her until she passed out.” Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the mental image of a banged up Clarke screaming bloody murder at a faceless driver. Then she thought about what actually happened and couldn’t get the picture of a bloody, twisted, lifeless Clarke crumpled inside her car. She felt her breath start to come in short gasps and her vision blurred again. She rubbed at her eyes fiercely; now was not the time to break down and cry.

“Let’s get you a seat.” Anya guided her over to where the rest of their group was sitting, never once letting go of her hand. Lexa toppled into a chair next to Octavia, who gave her a terse smile. Bellamy sat across from them, his leg bouncing uncontrollably. Lexa knew the feeling.

What felt like eons passed and Lexa spent her time divided between glaring at the clock and glaring at the receptionist, who gulped every time her gaze was directed at him. Eventually a nurse came over to inform her that the receptionist was starting to fear for his life due to the intensity of her glare and to ask her to stop. Lexa mumbled her agreement under her breath. After that she just stared at the doors that cut her off from Clarke.

“I bet I could fight my way to her.” She said to Anya at one point.

“I’ll help.” Octavia mumbled. Anya pursed her lips in a poor attempt to keep from smiling.

“While I have no doubt that the combined force of the two of you would be utterly terrifying, I doubt they’ll let you anywhere near Clarke if you kill or maim anyone.”

“Fine by me if it makes the hurry the fuck up.” Octavia said as Lexa scowled, but fell silent.

Just as Lexa thought she would burn a hole through the doors, they opened for a nurse with a clipboard in his hand.

“Is there someone here for Clarke Griffin?” He called out. Lexa shot to her feet immediately.

“Yes I am.” She rushed over to him, followed quickly by Octavia, Bellamy, and Raven- who were all also shouting about how they were waiting for Clarke as well. The nurse took a step back, his eyes wide, before composing himself.

“Clarke has just come out of surgery. It’s going to be a rough night for her, but if she lives there’s a good chance she’ll stabilize.” He informed them.

“Can we see her?” Octavia demanded.

“Family only.” The nurse said, giving a critical eye at the group who was clearly not her blood family. He was bombarded by protests by them all.

“I’m her fiancée!” Lexa cried, all but grabbing him by the front of his scrubs.

“Do I need to call security?” The nurse cried, retreating towards the desk. “You can see her, you just have to sign in.” He pointed to Lexa. “The rest of you I’m afraid have to wait until Ms. Griffin’s condition improves.” Lexa glanced at Anya, who nodded supportively.

“Go ahead. You should see her.” It was all she had to say before Lexa snatched up the pen that was offered to her and flew through the paperwork. After that the same nurse lead her further into the hospital towards Clarke.

“Let me know if you need anything.” He said. Lexa could feel the pity in his voice, could see it in his eyes. Despite the fact that she practically attacked him, he still felt bad for her, which made Lexa nervous about what kind of state Clarke was in. She decided not to draw out the torture of ignorance any longer, and yanked the door open.

The ICU room had four beds, three of which were occupied by patients who were hooked up to so many machines Lexa didn’t know how any of them could possibly be alive. Clarke would know, being a doctor and all. She’d know what every single machine did and if they were working properly. But she was one of the lifeless looking bodies, lying in the bed furthest from the door. Lexa’s lip trembled at the sight of her. She clenched her jaw and forced herself to move, to carry herself towards the person she couldn’t make herself believe was Clarke.

Clarke was so still she was barely breathing, and even that was not by her own violation. Rather, the tube down her throat was making her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. From what Lexa could see through the wires and blankets, Clarke looked like she dragged herself up from hell, if the cuts and bruises were anything to go by. A bandage covered most of her forehead, and the rest of her face still had traces of blood from the injuries there.

“Your fiancée is a fighter, Ms. Woods.” Lexa jumped and whipped around to see a doctor in bloody scrubs standing in the doorway. “We lost her twice during the surgery, but she came back to us both times.” She moved towards Lexa.

“She’s been stubborn since the day we met.” Lexa murmured, thankful that her voice didn’t break. The doctor hummed in response. Lexa spent another moment with her gaze locked on Clarke’s battered form before turning to the doctor. “Thank you for saving her life.”

“She didn’t make it easy- not with that head injury at least.” The doctor paused. “I know the nurse told you that she has to survive tonight to make it in the long run, but I don’t think that’s going to be the main problem.”

“ _ Main _ problem?” The doctor gave her a look.

“Ms. Woods, how much do you know about head trauma?”

“Not much.” She admitted. The doctor nodded.

“Right. Well, Clarke suffered one of the most severe cases of it I’ve ever seen. If she wakes up there’s no telling how much damage has been done to her brain, which could affect her memory, motor functions, and even her emotions.”

“What do you mean  _ if _ she wakes up?” Lexa asked, panicked and already fearing the worst.

“She might not. And if she does she won’t be the same.” Each word felt like a sledgehammer to the chest. Lexa suddenly couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stand. She fumbled behind her and collapsed into the plastic chair next to Clarke’s bed. Clarke, who might never wake up again. Wh she might never get to come home to, to marry, to spend her life with. Clarke might be gone, and Lexa couldn’t stop her tears at the thought. This couldn’t be happening. Not again.

Lexa couldn’t remember much about what happened after that. She knew that she started to get so hysterical that the nurses had to get Anya, but after that it was just a blur of tears and panic that ended with her sobbing herself to exhaustion in her sister’s arms. Anya carried her to her car and drove them both to her apartment, the whole time reassuring her that Clarke would be fine, that she’d pull through.

“I thought you told me you’d never lie to me, Anya?” Lexa mumbled as Anya tucked her into her couch.

“I know.” She said before Lexa slipped into the land of unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S/O to my awesome beta [helblondie](helblondie.tumblr.com) proof reading and angsting with me!

Clarke’s eyes burned behind closed lids. Despite sealing them as tightly as she could, the bright lights still affected her. She let out a groan of protest and someone beside her gasped. It sounded like Raven. Clarke bit the bullet, turning her head towards Raven and cracking open one eye.

“Raven.” She croaked, voice raw and stinging from disuse. She cleared her throat to dispel the uncomfortable dryness in it, peeling open her other eye which was crusted shut. She could barely see, and squinted against the harsh environment.

“Oh my god Clarke!” Raven’s grip on her wrist tightened enough for Clarke to notice it. “She’s awake! Someone go get Lexa!” She shouted out the door. “I can’t believe you finally woke up!”

“What do you mean finally?” Clarke asked, at last able to open her eyes a fraction to take in the rest of her surroundings. 

To her right there was a large window, which brightened the room considerably. It looked out over a half full parking lot and a small algae filled pond. The view looked familiar, but Clarke couldn’t quite place it. She reached up with the hand not caught in Raven’s death grip to push the hair out of her eyes, but met with a strange restriction and an uncomfortable pinching on the back of her hand. That caught Clarke’s attention, and she stared at the IV in it dumbly. Once she registered that, the sound of a heart monitor pierced through her fog, and Clarke realized that she was laying in a hospital bed.

“Raven, what-” Clarke was cut off by the door slamming open hard enough to rattle the wall, revealing a brunette woman with wild, unbrushed hair and heavy bags under her stunning green eyes. She looked like a mess and she was still probably the most attractive person Clarke had ever seen. She looked frantic, and as her eyes locked on Clarke her hand flew to her mouth to muffle a quiet sob. She walked towards the bed as though in a trance, sinking into the chair Raven abandoned when she burst in.

“I can’t believe it.” She reached out with trembling fingers to grab Clarke’s free hand in both her own. It was Clarke’s grogginess that prevented her from yanking her hand away from the strange woman. “Clarke…” The woman started, but interrupted herself with a sniffle. She raised one sleeve to her nose and laughed slightly. Then she leaned forward and gently placed a kiss on Clarke’s forehead. Her lips burned against Clarke’s skin, and a few tears dripped from her face onto Clarke’s, who finally jerked away, pulling her hand from the woman’s grip.

“What are you doing?” She asked. The woman looked confused, like the answer to Clarke’s question was obvious. Well, obvious to everyone except Clarke, apparently.

“It’s me, Clarke.” The woman bit her lip. Her tone was one of guarded caution, and Clarke felt a pang of guilt for a moment but she answered honestly.

“Who are you? I don’t know you. Should I?” The woman let out a shuddering breath and tears welled in her eyes. Clarke imagined that they weren’t the tears of joy she was shedding moments ago.

“You don’t recognize me?” She asked. Her voice was remarkably steady for someone who looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown. “It’s me, Lexa. Do you remember?” Her voice broke in the middle of her sentence. Apparently not so steady then.

“I’m sorry, but I have no idea who you are.” Clarke said honestly. The woman, no Lexa, drew a breath to continue, but before she got the chance the door burst open again and in piled in a company of familiar faces. Bellay, Raven, Octavia, Monty, Jasper, and Lincoln all stood at the door, various expressions of shock on their faces. Clarke was surprised the hospital allowed so many guests into a patient’s room, especially a patient who just arrived. The room froze, everyone staring at Clarke who was beginning to feel uncomfortable, until Octavia broke the silence.

“We missed you Clarke. Looks like you’re busy. We’ll come back later.” She sent a smile Clarke’s way before starting to shoo the others out of the room.

“Octavia.” Lexa called out to stop her. “It’s fine.” The group halted in their tracks and slowly turned back towards Clarke and Lexa. Lexa swallowed noticeably and took a step away from the bed, allowing room for the people Clarke actually recognized.

There was a brief moment where the group paused to look at Clarke and Lexa, then Raven strolled forward in classic Reyes fashion.

“It’s good to have you back.” She said, breaking whatever spell affecting the rest of her friends. They rushed forward, swarming Clarke’s bed and all talking a million miles at once. Clarke was overwhelmed, instantly taking back her relief at seeing them.

“You’re all so loud!” Clarke raised her voice. “What’s with you guys, it’s not like I died.” A deathlike silence fell over the group, which was more unnerving than their chatter. Raven pressed her lips together and Monty and Jasper looked away, and those were the only reactions Clarke could process before the group was being herded out by three nurses in familiar hospital scrubs. They didn’t go easy, protesting the entire time. But eventually the nurses convinced them to stand down. Clarke was going to have to ask them for their secret, her rowdy group of friends were not easily controlled. Or she was going to, until the doctors came and started flooding her with so much information and so many tests that Clarke’s head spun.

She’d been in a car accident, her car was t-boned by a truck. She suffered trauma to her head, a broken leg and several ribs, and severe lacerations. The doctors managed to heal up her physical injuries just fine, but there was nothing much they could do about her head. That was up to her. She was in a coma for almost three months. Recovering, they said. Apparently she didn’t recover everything.

_ “What’s the date today?” The doctor asked. “Or to your best approximation. Please include the year.” _

_ “Three months ago was February...18th, I think? 2012.” She had to think about it for a while “That’s the last date I remember, and it would make today May something.” The doctor grimaced. _

_ “Well that is concerning.” She said. “You lost the last four years. It’s April 12th 2016.” _

The mere memory of her realization made Clarke’s chest tighten. Sitting on her bed at the end of the day, not even able to walk across the room to get a glass of water, she spent her time trying to piece together whatever she could. She didn’t remember  _ anything _ . Well, not anything. She could name all the bones in her hand, no problem- she must have finished residency, like she planned- but she couldn’t even name a single Beyonce song from 2014. She was twenty nine years old and the last birthday she remembered was getting smashed at her twenty fourth with Raven, Bellamy and Octavia at her side.

It probably explained why she couldn’t remember Lexa; they must have met sometime in the four years Clarke was missing. God,  _ four years _ . She couldn’t believe she was dumb enough to think that falling off the roof while  _ finally  _ taking down Christmas lights and getting knocked out would disorient her enough to not remember right away why she was in the hospital. Or that her waking up after a day or two would evoke the kind of reaction it did. The roof incident did happen; four years ago as confirmed by Raven and Octavia, who took her to the hospital that time. She was only there for two days though. A little different than three months.

A knocking at the door drew Clarke out of her thoughts. Her head snapped towards the sound. 

“Come in.” She called. The door creaked open, and Lexa slipped into the room silently. She stood by the door, as though waiting for Clarke to beckon her closer. Clarke nodded and pretended not to be weirded out that she subconsciously knew the habits of a total stranger.

“Hello Clarke.” Lexa said as she approached. She sat in the plastic chair at Clarke’s bedside. “I wanted to see how you were.”

“They won’t even let Raven or Bellamy in to see me this late. They’re practically family.” Clarke responded, wasting no time in pleasantries. Lexa pursed her lips. “Do you want to tell me who you are? Because right now I’m really confused and  _ really _ tired and no one will tell me who you are because they won’t let anyone I know in.” Lexa sighed. Instead of giving her a verbal answer she found Clarke’s left hand and laced their fingers together. She nodded at their intertwined hands. They fit perfectly together, but Clarke didn’t see whatever Lexa wanted her to. At least she didn’t jerk away this time.

Clarke tore her attention away from her hands to direct a questioning gaze at Lexa. Lexa nodded once more, intently wriggling her ring finger. The light clinking of metal against metal caught Clarke’s ears, and she looked back at their hands, scrutinizing them closer this time. She sucked in a breath. There, on both their fingers, were matching wedding bands.

“Are we married?” She asked, finally tearing her eyes away from her hand to look at Lexa, who shook her head.

“No.” Clarke couldn’t help the small wave of relief. If she forgot she was  _ married _ … “We’re engaged, since September. We just moved out of our apartment to a house when you had your accident.” Lexa explained. Clarke kept staring at her; there was no doubt she was gorgeous, even with her eyes filled with desperation. But no matter how hard she looked she felt no spark of recognition.

“Why can’t I remember?” Clarke whispered, glancing at entwined hands. “I remember everyone else, but not you. I should remember  _ you _ .”

“It’s ok. With the trauma you suffered it’s a miracle you’re even awake.” She ran her thumb over Clarke’s. The motion was meant to be soothing, but to Clarke it seemed strange. “I know you don’t remember me, but I promise that I’ll help you work through this. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. Maybe there’s a way to trigger your memories, somehow.” Clarke nodded unsure of how to respond. It felt...weird to be so familiar to someone who was a total stranger. Yet there was a natural rhythm between them, and while the silence that fell between them would have been awkward had it been between anyone else, with the two of them it was almost better than talking.

“Do we have a dog?” Clarke asked, finally breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, looking confused.

“I mean do we own a dog together. I feel like we do.” She said with conviction. Lexa chuckled and looked down at her lap. When she looked back up she was smiling widely.

“No, we do not. We were thinking about it.” Clarke hummed considering her words.

“We should get a dog.” At that Lexa actually laughed aloud.

“Okay Clarke.” Lexa chuckled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, as usual you can visit my tumblr [thecarlonethatalsowrites](thecarlonethatalsowrites.tumblr.com). Next chapter will come out soon!

**Author's Note:**

> My [tumblr](thecarlonethatalsowrites.tumblr.com), come hang out


End file.
